Too Much Candy Really is Bad For You

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Most pundits agreed that President Barack Obama needed to make a better presentation in the second presidential debate Wednesday evening.  Obama, trailing governor Mitt Romney by a slim margin in most polls, seemed to shake off the rust from the opening round of debates.  The president seemed focused, engaging and wasn’t afraid to inerrupt Governor Romney at times—a tactic borrowed from Vice President Joe Biden following the vice presidential debates last week.

 

A metaphoric heavy-weight bout; Romney throwing haymakers early describing the President’s energy policy as “failed” and linking it to the high price that consumers are now paying at the pump.  While President Obama counter-punched with a description of Romney’s oft mentioned ‘five point plan’ as a “one point plan”.  When Romney saw an opportunity to put Obama on the ropes with the administrations perceived failure in the handling of the Benghazi incident, the all too common occurrence reared it’s ugly, double-chinned head… the referee delivered the knock out punch.

 

Perhaps I have my metaphors mixed or I’m clearly unfamiliar with the structure of a debate, but Wednesday night’s display seemed more fitting of a WWE Smackdown event than that of a presidential debate.  Moderator Candy Crowley decided to take the opportunity to join forces with President Barack Obama to form the legendary hero known as The Obamoderator!  With a single “fact check” Candy Crowley inserted herself into the conversation by defending President Obama.  Crowley stated that, in fact, Barack Obama did declare the September 11 attack on the U.S. Embassy in Libya a “terror attack”.  And the referee wins by technical knock out!

 

Debates are not won or lost due to facts, they are merely scored based upon the number of wild haymaker type blows landed.  Who can amass the greatest number of soundbyte moments in a contest.  If this debate had anything to do with facts, the self-appointed-and-unwanted fact-checker Candy Crowley and her tag-team opponent Barack Obama would have been declared the loser and required to surrender the belt right there.  Unfortunately for the American people, memories are short and news cycles tend to leave the facts in the dust.  Following the attack in Benghazi, president Obama gave an address in the Rose Garden of the White House the next morning.   In an eleven paragraph speech, the President vaguely referred to “terror attacks” with no context to Benghazi or any specific event.

 

Following the debate, Crowley herself admitted that she was wrong for interjecting and for stating that president Obama called the Benghazi incident as a “terror attack”.  Thanks for the retraction, now please go away.

 

I’ll offer up one more tidbit regarding this issue.  Not once did I make a fat, food or Adele reference to Candy Crowley in this blog post… on the show, however, that’s a different story.

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Not to be forgotten, the Third Party Debate will take place Tuesday October 23, one night following the third and final presidential debate.  Participating in the third party showdown will be Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, the Green Party’s Jill Stein, Constitution Party candidate Virgil Goode and Justice Party hopeful Rocky Anderson.  The debate will be carried on a number of outlets including RT.TV and, believe it or not, Aljazeera (English).  Proving that politics do make for strange bed-fellows.  Moderating the debate in Chicago will be former CNN host Larry King.

 

Don’t tell any of this information to the major media outlets as they would simply ignore it anyway.  I suppose that’s not an entirely fair statement, one of the major networks has acknowledged the existence of the third party debate… kinda/sorta.  CBS News wrote a fabulously condescending piece of journalistic tripe to let us all know that a “squad of minor party candidates” will debate one another knowing that none of them can win.  We appreciate the journalistic integrity CBS and ask that you please turn off the lights when you decide to emerge from the twentieth century from whence you came.

 

As usual, don’t take my word for it, read the patronizing slice of drivel from CBS yourself by clicking here.

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Goodbye Halloween, Hello “Fall Festival”

 

It’s that time of year once again, when political correctness clashes with the observance of Halloween.  A Seattle area public school is the latest to ditch the costume and candy filled celebration for fear of offending a few students.  Although the school’s principal tells a different story simply citing a scheduled half day and a lack of desire to disrupt the curriculum.  Last I checked, half days disrupted the curriculum… all the more reason for a Halloween party.  The school district will hold a “fall festival” in lieu of Holloween, so you tell me what the real reason was here.

 

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“I Have a Constitutional Right to Speed”

 

The unbelievable defense that a Wisconsin man uses to try and escape a speeding ticket would be the perfect script for an episode of Law & Order: Moving Violations Enforcement.

 

 

“…but your honor, I really didn’t mean to have those child porn images on my computer, I was merely looking for animal porn instead”

 

Sadly, a court actually arrived at this conclusion as well following a case in which a man was charged with criminal possession of child and animal porn. Robert Peter Moore will spend no time in jail despite having been found to possess images and videos of people engaging in sex acts with pigs, goats, horses and even an octopus!!  Wow… how does that even… nevermind.

 

Prosecutors feel that the child pornography that appeared on Moore’s computer was simply incidental and unintentional.  Although it’s not all good news for the pervert as he will remain out on probation for two years, required to register as a sex offender for seven years, perform 180 hours of community service—just what we need, a sick perv doing volunteer work—and issued a restraining order whereby he must remain 500 yards away from all squids until further notice.

 

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Time for another Michael Groff Show quiz…

Question: You’re a major musical artist performing at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado, what shouldn’t you do?

(a) Show up three hours late.

(b) Begin your show with a sequence in which you use fake guns to shoot at the audience (Hint: the concert is in Colorado where a major theater shooting took place in July)

(c) Don’t apologize for the incident and write a crazy manifesto-like statement actually defending your actions.

(d) All of the above.

 

As it turns out, Madonna already took this quiz… yeah, she failed.

 

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Also on this episode…

 

– Google may disappear in five to eight years according to an analyst who likely failed business school.

 

– The worst song of the Week is ear-bleedingly awful and should be ceremoniously deleted from existence by any means necessary.

 

– I learn some on-air deep breathing exercises to calm down from discussing this daily sociological malaise.

 

and much more…

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One Response to “Too Much Candy Really is Bad For You”

  1. James (summer time co-host) Says:
    October 24, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Excellent show Mike, glad we have some patterns in the occurance of shows. I swiftly lost interest in debates after the awful vice-presidential debates. It was clear who the media was skewing towards, and I’d rather get the highlights in an aftermath than sit through one hour of me and a friend taking shots at the candidates.

    As for the third-party debates, I didn’t tune in but will see if I can find the full video online. Ron Paul, 2016. A man can hope.

    On the note of public schools, I find myself puzzled and amused by my schools generalization of most rules in the handbook, that essentially lets them punish any action they deem unacceptable, even if the action isn’t harmful or distracting to others. My favorite is this: [inappropriate dresses are including, but not limited to] 1. clothing, jewelry, accessories, tattoos that make reference to alcohol or drug use, sexual activity, gangs or secret societies, violence or vulgarity
    I find myself heavily intimidated by the phrase ‘secret societies’. With such a vague term, any clothing referencing nearly any group of people could be forbidden, including religious symbols.

    As you’ve said before Mike, when sex (or in this case, masturbation) becomes so boring you find yourself going beyond ordinary kinks, you may want to seek help.

    Again, fantastic show, can’t wait for the next.
    Also, just as a fair warning, I believe the RSS feed may be broken. Though I’m not 100% sure on that